The Psalms of Lament: How to Pray When It Hurts

Most of us were taught to come to God politely. Say thank you, ask nicely, finish with a smile. So it can come as a surprise to open the Bible's own prayer book and find people shouting at God.

How long? Why have you forgotten me? Where are you?

These are the psalms of lament, and there are more than forty of them. If you have ever felt that your prayers were too angry, too sad or too messy to bring to God, these psalms are for you.

If you're coming from our guide to praying Scripture back to God, this is the next step: a closer look at the laments, and how to pray them.

What is a lament?

A lament is a prayer of pain. It comes out of grief, fear, betrayal, sickness, injustice or unanswered prayer, and it says so honestly.

But a lament is not the same as a complaint made to the air. It is complaint made to God, which is itself an act of faith. You only argue with someone you believe is listening.

The psalms say it plainly:

"Trust in Him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts before Him. God is our refuge." (Psalm 62:8, BSB)

Pour out your hearts. Not a tidied-up version. All of it.

The shape of a lament

Most lament psalms follow a similar path. Not every psalm includes every step, but the pattern is easy to spot once you know it:

1. Address. The psalmist turns to God by name.
2. Complaint. An honest description of what hurts.
3. Request. A specific ask: rescue me, answer me, remember me.
4. Trust. A statement of who God is, even in the middle of the pain.
5. Praise or a promise. Often a vow to praise God again, sometimes before anything has changed.

Psalm 13 shows the whole shape in just six verses.

"How long, O LORD? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? How long must I wrestle in my soul, with sorrow in my heart each day? How long will my enemy dominate me?" (Psalm 13:1-2, BSB)

That is the address and the complaint. Four times: how long? Then comes the request:

"Consider me and respond, O LORD my God. Give light to my eyes, lest I sleep in death." (Psalm 13:3, BSB)

And then, without any sign that the situation has changed, the turn:

"But I have trusted in Your loving devotion; my heart will rejoice in Your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for He has been good to me." (Psalm 13:5-6, BSB)

That little word but is the heart of lament. The pain is real, and so is God.

Even Jesus prayed a lament

On the cross, Jesus did not reach for new words. He prayed the opening line of Psalm 22, one of the best-known laments:

"About the ninth hour Jesus cried out in a loud voice, ‘Eli, Eli, lema sabachthani?’ which means, ‘My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?’" (Matthew 27:46, BSB)

If the Son of God prayed a lament in His darkest hour, you are allowed to pray one in yours.

A list of the psalms of lament

Scholars group the psalms in slightly different ways, and some psalms mix lament with praise or thanksgiving, so you will find lists that differ a little. The list below follows one widely used grouping, with a note on the psalms that are often debated.

Personal laments (one person crying out to God): Psalms 3, 6, 13, 22, 31, 39, 42, 43, 51, 54, 55, 56, 57, 59, 61, 64, 69, 71, 77, 86, 88, 102, 109, 120, 130, 140, 141, 142 and 143.

Community laments (God's people praying together in a time of crisis): Psalms 12, 44, 60, 74, 79, 80, 83, 85, 89, 90, 94, 123, 126 and 129.

Often debated (psalms that some lists include and others don't): Psalms 25, 27, 32, 38, 41, 70 and 108. Some scholars also count others, such as Psalms 5, 7, 17, 26, 28, 35 and 63, among the personal laments.

Good places to start:

• Psalm 13 when you feel forgotten.
• Psalms 42 and 43 when you feel far from God. They share a refrain: "Why are you downcast, O my soul? Why the unease within me? Put your hope in God" (Psalm 42:11, BSB)
• Psalm 51 when your pain comes from your own sin.
• Psalm 130 when you are waiting: "Out of the depths I cry to You, O LORD! O Lord, hear my voice" (Psalm 130:1-2, BSB)
• Psalm 44 when your church, family or community is suffering together.

The lament that doesn't resolve

Most laments end with trust or praise. Psalm 88 does not. It begins, "O LORD, the God of my salvation, day and night I cry out before You" (Psalm 88:1, BSB), and it ends in the dark:

"You have removed my beloved and my friend; darkness is my closest companion." (Psalm 88:18, BSB)

There is no happy ending. And yet it is in the Bible, a prayer God chose to keep. That tells us something important: God does not only receive our prayers once we have found the silver lining. He receives them from the middle of the night too. Even Psalm 88 is addressed to "the God of my salvation."

How to pray a lament this week

1. Choose one. Start with Psalm 13, or pick from the list above.
2. Read it slowly, out loud. Let the words be yours. Where it says "my enemy," think of whatever is pressing on you.
3. Write your own. Follow the five steps: address God, tell Him what hurts, ask for something specific, say what you know is true about Him, and end with a word of praise or a promise, even a small one.
4. Don't rush to the ending. It is fine to stay in the complaint for a while. The psalmists did.
5. Pray it with others. The community laments remind us that some grief is meant to be carried together.

Lord, You know what I have been carrying. I don't want to pretend with You anymore. Hear my honest prayer. Help me to pour out my heart before You, and to find, even here, that You are my refuge. Amen.

Keep going: read our guide to praying Scripture back to God for more ways to let the Bible give you words when you have none.